a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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