I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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