Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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