why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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