Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
