Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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