update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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