Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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