i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have fence marks all over my body
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
