im six kinds of drunk right now
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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