and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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