Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
