On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
