I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
