this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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