holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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