So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize