Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
