If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
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We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize