my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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