so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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