just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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