So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
