Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
