when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
