soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
