THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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