He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
