So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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