The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
