New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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