Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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