i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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