Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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