I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize