don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize