I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
