Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
