It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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