Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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