I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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