doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
