Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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