im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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