ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
whose parrot is this?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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