im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
