when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
dude. I can hear the air.
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