apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
