Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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