he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
