plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the condom got lost in my hair
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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