I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
