Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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