I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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