if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
