All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize