my phone needs a breathalizer
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
