ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
