you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Someone signed my nipple.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
