The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
