Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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