Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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