Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
