No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
