Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
